Feel the fear and jump out of a plane

I have temporarily lost the power of words so I’m just posting a picture. This is what I did today: Image

Have a nice weekend.

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Feel the fear and do stand-up comedy

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Well, it finally happened. The thing I was dreading the most – more than getting naked, chatting up strangers and even jumping out of a plane – is now over and done with.

Yes, on Sunday night I got up in front of a microphone in a London pub and delivered a stand-up comedy routine.

I use these terms loosely – I was definitely standing up but whether it was ‘comedy’ or even a ‘routine’ is debatable.  But either way, I did it. And it was was one of the scariest things I’ve done in my life.

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Feel the fear and sing in public, after eating offal

So this weekend I enrolled on a two day stand-up comedy course that culminated in a live performance on Sunday night. I also arranged to eat offal and do karaoke on Saturday night. Suffice it to say it was a meltdown inducing, terrifying weekend.

But look, here I am writing about it – which means that I must have survived…

First the Saturday night offal and karaoke.

My lovely friend, Claire, treated me to a dinner at to St John in Farringdon. It specialises in something called snout to tail food and is the kind of restaurant that I would never in a million years go to. I’m a real wimp when it comes to food. I don’t eat much meat and even feel funny eating the dark bits of chicken. I  like my food to be as sanitised and removed from its source as possible.  No eyes, innards or things with funny textures.

So Claire did the ordering for us.

Vegetarians please look away but this is what we had: bone marrow (which were basically bones on a plate which looked like something the Flinstones would eat), liver of some sort, haggis and ox’s heart. Yup, heart.

bone marrow

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Feel the fear and stalk Chris Evans. Badly.

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Right, my last post was miserable and self-indulgent. I have now pulled myself together.

At the end of said miserable and self-indulgent post I explained that I’ve added ‘Take Chris Evans for lunch’ to my fear list.

Now it’s not because Chris Evans is scary. I don’t think he is. Quite the opposite. I read his two autobiographies in the summer and I thought he was fantastic. His enthusiasm, energy and wit are infectious. I also found him very wise. I recommend that everyone read the books if you need an positivity injection.

Anyway, I’ve since started listening to his breakfast show (even though it means listening to more Elton John than I’d really like), and I’ve been telling friends how much I’d love to meet him…

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Feel the fear and have a meltdown

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So right now I’m feeling the fear and just, well, feeling the fear. I’m a rabbit in the headlights. I have so much to do and don’t know where to start so I keep picking up different tasks, starting them, then panicking that it’s not the most important thing to do and I abandon it and go on to something else. Then I repeat that over the 12-plus hours a day I now seem to be spending on my laptop.

Each day ends with me feeling more in a hole than I was in the day before. And I’m annoyed with myself because after Monday’s big scary hospital appointment, I should have things in perspective. Why does my balanced perspective only last for an hour or two? Why is my default state of mind low-grade panic?

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Feel the fear and go to the hospital AND the dentist on the most miserable day of the year

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So yesterday was something called ‘Blue Monday’ – one of those made up days meant to depict the fact that it’s the middle of January, the New Year’s resolutions have been abandoned and life is generally crap.

A great day, then, to face not one but two of my fears – going to the hospital to get a mole checked out and getting my fillings done.

Who says the universe doesn’t have a sense of humour?

First up was the hospital appointment – which I’d not been dreading so much as completely ignoring.

A bit of background: when I was 18, I had a dodgy mole on the inside of my left calf, which turned out to be a malignant melanoma – one of the most serious types of skin cancer.

It was a very scary time. I was meant to be starting university but instead I was in hospital having a sizeable chunk of my leg removed while the word cancer was being thrown around.

I didn’t realise it at the time – my parents didn’t tell me – but the kind I had is fatal in about a third of cases.

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