It’s 6am and I’m heading off on a job in a bit but wanted to say a quick thank you all so so so much for the lovely comments yesterday. It made me cry again but in a good way. I wish you could all know what it’s like to have a moan and then have dozens of people send you lovely messages. It’s pretty amazing and not what I was expecting and, to be honest, not what I deserve.
Thank you especially to the people who told me about their dark patches – especially around money. It really helped.
It’s nearly midnight on a Friday night and I’m at my mum’s watching junk on Netflix and hating myself. I’ve spent the last week going through three shoe boxes of receipts dating back 18 months. All my spending habits there in black and white, on faded, scrunched up slips of paper.
When I cried my way through February, my month of Money, A Love Story, I vowed to change my ways and I did a bit but not enough. I got stuck into the Secret and figured that ‘abundant thoughts’ would translate into an abundant bank balance. They didn’t. Then there was two months of rejection therapy which made me so miserable I took to drink. Which is expensive. Then lovely trips to Italy with F**K It.
So I’ve been having conversations with my guardian angels. No really, I have. We’ve become pen pals.
In her books Doreen Virtue suggests you close your eyes and ask what your two angels are called. I did that and the name Mary and John came into my head. I tried to picture Mary and John as angelic beings, with feathers and lights and love pouring out of them, but I couldn’t. With Mary, I just pictured my mum. Unsurprisingly given that Mary is her name. And with John, I pictured a builder in a vest with a gut and builder’s bum. A bit like Bob the Builder but with stubble. I don’t even want to think about what this guy is doing in my sub-conscious… but I don’t believe he’s an angel.
Well, as predicted, the angel stuff is not sitting well with me.
So far I’ve read two and a half of Doreen Virtue’s books in the hope that one of them will make more sense to me but they’re largely the same book repackaged in different ways. She may spend her days in the ‘angelic realm’ but she’s no fool when it comes to business. Sell the same thing 40 different ways and you’ll find someone to buy it. Including me now, which is irritating me.
But everything about angel therapy is irritating me.