So my month following The Secret by Rhonda Byrne is over and it’s been a weird one. I’ve written fake cheques, bought a dress that doesn’t fit me and cleared out half my wardrobe, in the hope that it brings my dream man. But I still haven’t really got my head around the whole Genie in a bottle stuff of asking for anything you want and believing that my wish is the Universe’s command.
As my friend Zoe says, ‘so can I ask for bigger boobs?’ Exactly! Would The Secret argue that the universe would increase Zoe’s bust to Pamela Anderson proportions if she just believed that it was so?
I do believe that anything is possible if you put your mind to it – but I don’t think it happens by magic.
On Sunday night I went to naked yoga. Yes, you read that correctly: NAKED YOGA; I did a downward dog with no clothes on and a sun salutation with everything out for the world to see.
I’ve said it before and no doubt I’ll say it again: life has got very weird.
My sister is now getting worried. ‘There’s a line and this is crossing it,’ she told me over lunch before class. ‘Why are you doing it? Just to say ‘yes’ to things? If you get asked to join a cult or become a Scientologist are you going to say yes?’
Er, at the moment, probably. Yes.
Well, my month of The Secret is almost done – and despite my protestations about the lazy ‘place your order and do nothing’ attitude, it seems to have rubbed off because I’ve hardly posted this month. I’ve been too busy pondering, pottering and, actually, (shock horror) being happy. Happiness might be the end goal but it plays havoc with one’s productivity. Oh well.
I’m going to do a couple more posts on the weird and wonderful world according to Rhonda Byrne before moving on to the new challenge next week (details to follow) but first I have funny news.
Yesterday I got a phone call from one of my editors. She asked me if I wanted to write an article about… Kale! My mission is to eat and drink nothing but the green leafy vegetable for a week. The day after putting up a picture of green juice on my Vision Board, I’m getting paid to drink green juice! Isn’t that just perfect?! Dear Universe, was that an early birthday present? A sign that I should stop taking poking fun out of you and your Law of Attraction?
Maybe. But for now I have to poke a little bit more fun because today’s post is about The Secret’s approach to romance and relationships, which seems to focus on rearranging your house.
As you may have picked up by now I am not blessed in the relationship department. I have spent most of my 36 years in a state of singledom. Quite normal when you’re ten, less normal when you’re coming up to forty.
I started my Vision Board on Monday and it seems to have brought on a lot of soul-searching, naval gazing and general faffing. Even more than usual.
Who knew something that involves paper scissors and a glue stick could be so troublesome?
For those not familiar with the idea a vision board is basically a big pin-board or piece of card on which you stick pictures or words that depict your dream future. It’s like scrap booking. You can also do it on Pinterest but the idea is that you keep it somewhere that you’ll see it all the time, so I think physical is best.
They’re recommended in The Secret on the basis that if you collect pictures of the sort of life you want, hey presto, you’ll make it happen. John Assaraf, one of the experts quoted in the book, says he cut out a picture of a giant mansion from a magazine for his vision board and five years later found himself living in it. The exact same house.
With that in mind, I went imaginary house shopping. Ever since I went there for work last year, I’ve been a bit fixated by the thought of living in LA for a while. Yes it’s LA-LA land and there are loads of ridiculously perfect people walking around but I loved it. I wanted to stay forever and drink green juices and go to yoga. I had visions of me being all happy and healthy and bendy instead of spotty and tired and hungover.
So I bought a pinboard, some drawing pins and went online to pick out my dream Californian home. I was spoilt for choice. I couldn’t decide between something in the Hollywood Hills or something by the beach. Spanish bungalow or uber modern and glassy? I spent twenty minutes looking at tiles for a bathroom I don’t have in a house I don’t have in a country I don’t live in. Aqua or green? Purple or blue? I did the same with cushions for my non-existent beige sofa.
I kid you not, this got me stressed.
When I was at school our gym teacher has an old Mercedes sports car in blue. I loved it and have always wanted one.
The Secret says that to get your dream car you must believe you already have it. You must visualise your hands on the steering wheel and smell the leather. It says that you should do whatever it takes to make the vision feel real – including taking the dream car for a test-run.
So today I did this:
Well, the chapter got the thumbs up from my lovely, clever agent and is being emailed to book editors across the land as we speak. Fingers crossed, what will be, will be etc. I got myself in a state fretting and analysing over the last few days but I’ve now tired myself out. It’ll happen how it’s meant to happen.
The Secret which tells you that you must have unwavering faith and certainty that whatever you want is on its way. It says that anything in the world can be yours with these three steps:
1 ASK – Sit down and write out what you want on a piece of paper. Write it in the present tense. You might begin writing I am so happy and grateful now that… And then explain how you want your life to be in every way.
This might be the first time for many of us that we really work out what we want. Now that you know you can have, be or do anything and there’s no limits, what do you really want?
The book says that ‘it’s like having the universe as your catalogue, you flip through it and say I’d like to have this experience and I’d like to have that product… Place your order with the universe. You don’t have to ask over and over again – it’s like a catalogue, you just place the order once.’
I just sent off the first chapter of my book to my agent. There are several ridiculous words in that sentence: ‘first chapter’, ‘book’, ‘agent’ – but most ridiculous of all is the word ‘my’.
I have spent most of my life wanting to write a book but never thought it would happen. Not clever enough, talented enough, yadda, yadda.
I read my favourite authors and I marvel at their turn of phrase, their humour, their ability to capture tiny details. The sheer audacity of even trying to join their ranks seems like an insult to them.
But despite all that, I would love to write a book. And now it looks like there’s a good chance that I will.